you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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