Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
