dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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