i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
