matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
i will never coherently bang her
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
