I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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