So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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