So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
