He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
