i really wish james franco would like my vagina
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
