I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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