My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
