I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
This toilet bowl is my home.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
