This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Randomize
