I must be too annoying 4 u.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
