Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
