So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Randomize
