I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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