i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
