lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
