When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
