did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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