He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
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