she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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