there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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