When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
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