Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Randomize
