I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Randomize
