I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
nutella sex= disaster
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
