I wanna passion pit in your ass
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
