my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.