my soul wont recognize me after tonight
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
