Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
