your parents love me but you hate me
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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