Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Randomize