drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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