the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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