Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
