i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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