Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
