how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize