You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
