Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
