So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Randomize
