I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Randomize
