If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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