dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Randomize
