He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Randomize
