She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
