She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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