I think I am morally bankrupt
They should really pass out barf bags in church
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
