I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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