theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
