new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
