pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
