Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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