I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Randomize
