The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I think my nap took me to another dimension
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
