Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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