Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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