who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
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