"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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