The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Randomize
