my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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