Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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