I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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