i wish there were pregnant emoticons
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
