nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
