Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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