wrigley field is MILF paradise
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Randomize
