NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
