you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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