Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
