Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
