I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize