batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
