oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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