you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
