ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
